Memories

It occurs to me right after I posted '3 years' that MAYBE I should remember her alive instead of remembering how she died. It would probably much more healthy and beneficial for me anyway. Get me out of this gloomy feeling.

Mom was such a girly girl which is so strange because I was such a tomboy! I mean really, she would be so proud of me now that I've become a lady! Anyway, so in my family there was my mom and dad, my two brothers and me. Mom and I, obviously, the only females in the family. We lived with the constant farting, burping or belching should I say and OH! the snoring! Good God! Mom and I were the light sleepers, quiet (usually) sleepers... though I will admit (now remember I'm a tomboy) that if I felt it coming and I was at home... I'd let my farts out too. But you almost never hear Mom fart. Not that she doesn't, but it was rare.

Well one day Mom and I went shopping (oh how she loooooved to shop and now so do I!) and we were rumaging through the clearance rack (of course) and suddenly I start to smell the really, REALLY foul odor! I mean... ew! disgusting! And I looked up at my mom with a face od disgust to see if she smelled it too... except when I looked up and she saw my face she started to giggle (remember how girly she is... I laugh... she giggles) and said (in her filipino accent), "Hurry, let's go the other rack because I oto!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... DAMN! SILENT BUT DEADLY! Aw mom... so cute.

I remember when I told my mom about my frist major crush! hahahaha... Ok first off if you're not filipino and are not aware, when you are a filipina... there's no having crushes! You focus on school and nothing else. No boyfriends allowed. So my mom, she was traditional. So we never had the boy talk... ever! I think I was about 13 or 14 and I kept thinking... how come I can't tell my mom about it? So I figured... well I think I will. So one day I said to Mom, "Mom... when are you gonna talk to me about boys?" LOL!!! oh the look on her face! I think she was more embarassed about it than I was!

Oh.... I remember when my mom first met Junior! hahaha... he spoke to her in tagalog!!! What a playa! He knows how to impress! hahahah... but hey, it worked. She lit up like the sun! hahaah... oh and my dad! Now my dad... typical filipino father who hates every guy for his daughter. Any guy friends that would call me... he NEVER gave me those messages. Girlfriends... he'd give me those messages, but not from the guys.... EVER! UNTIL... Junior! I remember when he gave me that message I was a bit shocked. I mean really... that's a first. And later that day I was driving Mom to work which I often did and loved it to be honest. We got to talk about a lot of stuff... good times. But that day as I was driving she said, "you know Junior called." "Oh yeah, dad told me." "I think your dad likes Junior." Ok there is where I get like a school girl and I was all "REALLY?! How do you know? What did he say?" lol! "Nothing, but when he called after your dad hung up with him he smiled. So I said, 'why are your smiling?' and he said because Junior just called." WOW! That was a great moment. A guy my parents approved of. Big reason why I married him! ;)

My mom used to make my clothes when I was little. I need to find those pics. My mom always had me looking like a doll! I was cute dammit! hahaha.... atleast until I got older! lol!

Well there are a lot of memories to choose from. But I do feel better. I love you, Mom.

3 years

but it feels like yesterday that mom passed away. January 12, 2004. I will never forget that day. My heart just dropped and the tears kept coming. I didn't realize I had cried so much and for so long that day until one of the nurses said they were concerned about me and felt I might dehydrate. I never seen my dad cry so much either. Don't get me wrong, I've accepted it but I will never stop missing them. Her death was a bit of a shocker. For one whole month she fought to live in the hospital and that month was such a rollarcoaster for everyone. First it didn't look good... then it did... then it didn't... but then it did... and then she was gone. I never regret anything because I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. But if I could, I would change some things. All the questions I have now (about marriage, kids, your spouse, buying a home... life) I would ask. I'd definitely take many more pictures with her as I realized I don't have as many as I wish I would. Spend more time with her... definitely.

Last night I had a dream. I was going to a funeral (not hers), it was raining and someone said to me, "Your mom told me all about you. She said they really need you." Not until I awoke did I realize that it's probably a message from her... only I don't know what to think of it. Who's they? Her and my dad? My brothers? The family? And why do they need me? I'm hoping for a part 2 to that dream... hopefully one with some answers.

I miss you and love you Mom... always.

Here it comes...

Mom's 3 year death anniversary is this Friday... can't believe it's been 3 years already... seems like yesterday.